Kids Say the Greatest Things

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts.

Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got a response equal to four-year old David's comment.

Gently she tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart.

"Listen", she said..........."What do you suppose that is?"

He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap - tap - tapping deep in his chest.

Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, "Is that Jesus knocking?"

Carville Acknowledges Hillary in Trouble
Thursday, February 14, 2008 12:00 PM

By: Newsmax Staff
Newsmax.com

Even longtime Clinton ally James Carville is acknowledging that Hillary is in trouble, saying that if she loses the March 4 primary in either Texas or Ohio, her campaign is doomed.

Speaking at the International Builders Show in Florida on Wednesday, Carville — a top adviser to Bill Clinton in the 1990s — declared:

“She’s behind. Make no mistake. If she loses either Texas or Ohio, this thing is done.”

After his recent resounding wins in Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C., Barack Obama holds a narrow lead over Clinton in total delegates, 1,272 to 1,231, although Hillary leads in superdelegates, 242 to 156, the New York Post reports.

But Obama leads in the polls in Wisconsin, which holds its primary on Feb. 19. And while recent polls in Ohio and Texas show Clinton ahead, her support among Hispanic-Americans — considered crucial in Texas — has been waning, and political analyst Dick Morris has predicted that Hillary will lose in Ohio, as well as in Pennsylvania and North Carolina.

With her back against the wall, Clinton on Wednesday unleashed a strident attack ad against Obama, saying: “I am in the solutions business. My opponent is in the promises business. I think we need answers, not question.”


© 2008 Newsmax. All rights reserved.

Rebate Checks

I was just reading an article that stated:

Whether people actually spend the money remains to be seen. A recent Associated Press-Ipos poll indicates most people have other plans. Forty-five percent said they planned to pay off bills, while 32 percent said they would save or invest it. Only 19 percent said they would spend their rebates.

What constitutes "spending"? From dictionary.com:

1. to pay out, disburse, or expend; dispose of (money, wealth, resources, etc.): resisting the temptation to spend one's money.
2. to employ (labor, thought, words, time, etc.), as on some object or in some proceeding: Don't spend much time on it.
3. to pass (time) in a particular manner, place, etc.: We spent a few days in Baltimore.
4. to use up, consume, or exhaust: The storm had spent its fury.
5. to give (one's blood, life, etc.) for some cause.
–verb (used without object) 6. to spend money, energy, time, etc.
7. Obsolete. to be consumed or exhausted.

The first definition is the most appropriate for this discussion. "To pay out, disburse, or expend; dispose of" pretty much explains it, I think. Unless you keep it, you spend it, which I think constitutes paying bills, saving, or investing. If it goes into the economy, it's spent. Whether I spend the rebate on a vacation, clothing, buy groceries, paying a credit card, gas or electric bills, put it in a savings account or investment account it still goes into the economy. It's doing it's intended purpose.

You do realize that when you put money into a bank account, it's not sitting there in currency form waiting for you to pick it up again, don't you? Say you deposit $200 cash in your account. The teller doesn't put a paper clip on the money with a sticky note that has your name on it. It goes into the general fund with everyone elses deposits and the amount you deposited goes onto a ledger page (well, software ledger anyway) saying that you deposited $200. The actual currency (whether greenbacks, check, money order, wire transfer or whatever) goes into the vault. Some of that money is kept in the bank to pay out to people who cash checks. I'm not sure how it works past that point, even though I did work in a bank for about 6 weeks many years ago. Basically, it goes to the bank's bank so that the bank can pay their bills, payroll and so on.

What I'm saying is money you put in the bank goes into the economy just as if you spend it at your favorite mall, paying your electric bill, or putting it into the bank. I don't get how anyone can say they don't know whether it will be spent or not. If it's not under the mattress or buried in the backyard, it's going to go into the economy.

And that's the purpose of the rebate.

Her 4th Wedding

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color are you looking for?"

The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature is considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?"

"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

COMMON SENSE

My parents told me about Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on her when making decisions. It seems she was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today I read her obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary: Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old she was since her birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. She will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing;

when to come in out of the rain,

why the early bird gets the worm,

life isn't always fair,

and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

Her health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened her condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by her parents, Truth and Trust; her husband, Discretion; her daughter, Responsibility; and her son, Reason.

She is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended her funeral because so few realized she was gone.

Dark and Best Kept Secrets About Our Social Security System

(Disclaimer: I received this in email and in checking it out I found this entry at snopes.com. Parts are true and parts are false; both political parties had a hand in the mess that Social Security is today. Please read this and the snopes link for full information.)

Many years ago in Seattle, two wonderful neighbors, Elliott and Patty Roosevelt came to my home to swim on a regular basis. They were a great couple full of laughter and stories that today I continue to marvel at. Both are now deceased, but their stories remain. During the years of our friendship we had many, many discussions about Elliott's parents (President Franklin D. and Eleanor Roosevelt) and how his father and mother never intended for the Social Security and Welfare programs to turn out the way they are today. Elliott used to say that if his parents returned to Earth and saw what the politicians had done to their programs they would have burned all of them in hell.

Here is a story I received today regarding the Social Security Program and I immediately thought of Elliott's comments. I Hope you will read this and think about it.
_____________________________________________

Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised:

1.) That participation in the Program would be completely voluntary,

2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the Program,

3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year,

4.) That the money the participants put into the independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and,

5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income

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Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to "put away" -- you may be interested in the following:

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Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent "Trust Fund" and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the Democratically controlled House and Senate.

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Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?

A: The Democratic Party.

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Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities????
A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie-breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US .

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Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants?

This is MY FAVORITE:

A: That's right! Jimmy Carter! And the Democratic Party of course! Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it!

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Then, after doing all this lying and thieving and violating of the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!

And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!

==============================================

If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe changes will evolve. Maybe not!.. many Democrats are awfully sure of what isn't so!!

Who's watching you?

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw you hang my painting on the refrigerator and I

immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasnt looking,

I saw you make a meal for a sick friend,

and I learned that we need to take care of each other.

When you thought I wasnt looking,

I saw you give some money to the homeless man on the street

and I learned that those more fortunate should assist those in need.

When you thought I wasnt looking,

I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that

sometimes things hurt but its Ok to cry.

When you thought I wasnt looking,

I saw that you cared for those around you and I wanted to be just like you.

When you thought I wasnt looking

I learned most of lifes lessons that I need to know to be

a good productive person when I grow up by watching you.

When you thought I wasnt looking,

I looked at you and wanted to say "Thanks" for all the

things you were when you thought I wasn't looking.

.......How will you touch the life of someone watching you today?

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you???"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size!

Gonna Be A Bear

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown cute, cuddly cubs.

I could definitely deal with that.

If you're mama bear everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line you swat them too.

I could deal with that.

If you're a bear your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear.

Why Hospital Costs Are So High

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some asshole in administration.

Dear Republicans

Enjoy either the Clinton or Obama Administrations for yourself doubt and rigidity will certainly place them in the White House with a Super Majority in Congress.

You think things suck now, just wait until your taxes are severely increased, wait until Hillary Clinton is picking your Doctor and Hospital and Garnishing your wages if you don't like it.

Wait until all the Americans are removed from the Middle East while the blood of any and all that helped us runs through the streets. Wait until you find out that 9-11 was only a skirmish and the real body counts of innocents are yet to come. Wait until Israel is destroyed under Iranian Nuclear Weapons and the Jihadists control the flow of oil you will no longer be able to afford.

You think a Recession is a pain in the ass, wait until some Mullah cuts off the oil at the tap and our Democratic Administration wants to Negotiate thru a Maddie Allbright or a Richard Holbroke.

Do you honestly believe that a candidate that is already announcing they will raise your taxes and garnish your wages will have any problem telling you how much gas you can use, how much heat in your home, where your children can or cannot go to school and what they will be allowed to learn. What you can or cannot feed your children or yourself.

You think Gay Marriage is an issue, it won't be after Hillary or Obama are elected, you proclaim abortion to be a serious issue yet you will allow supporters of Partial Birth Abortion to walk into the White House. You have an opinion on Fetal Stem Cells, you had best keep it to yourself as it will no longer matter.

If you are worried about Illegal's , don't be. They will be moving in next door to you with a valid Drivers License and a special Diversity Federal Mortgage to aid them.

Try to remember when that pesky Federal Agent shows up at your door to inquire about any weapons you own how you decided to allow all this to happen.

Dear Abby

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."

When she got o ut of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?