Saturday, December 19, 2009

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The two men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Friday, December 18, 2009

FairTax on Twitter

It's FairTax Friday - look at your paystub!

FairTax lowers true cost of new American cars removes the subsidy on foreign m... Read More:


The FairTax plan is a comprehensive proposal that replaces all federal income and payroll based taxes with an integrated approach including a progressive national retail sales tax, a prebate to ensure no American pays federal taxes on spending up to the poverty level, dollar-for-dollar federal revenue neutrality, and, through companion legislation, the repeal of the 16th Amendment.

The FairTax Act (HR 25, S 296) is nonpartisan legislation. It abolishes all federal personal and corporate income taxes, gift, estate, capital gains, alternative minimum, Social Security, Medicare, and self-employment taxes and replaces them with one simple, visible, federal retail sales tax administered primarily by existing state sales tax authorities.

More information is available at
http://www.fairtax. org or join the FairTax Indiana grassroots effort at http://infairtax.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


"In arguing for his stimulus, Obama promised 'shovel-ready' jobs, which gave us the mental image of construction workers in hard hats repairing our highways and bridges. But while four out of five who lost their jobs were men, more than half the jobs created by the stimulus were for women in education or government, where no hard hats are needed.

"Two reasons explain this disconnect. The feminists had a tantrum and demanded stimulus jobs, and Obama wants to make more people dependent on government rather than the private sector (aka, socialism)."

- Columnist Phyllis Schlafly


"The Obama Administration desperately wants a strong economic recovery, or so it says, but does it have any idea how to encourage one? It says it wants job growth, but its policies keep raising the cost of creating new jobs. It says it wants small business to take risks, but it keeps reducing the rewards if those risks succeed. And it says it wants banks to lend more money, even as it keeps threatening to punish bankers if they make too many bad loans or make too much money."

- Review & Outlook, Wall Street Journal, 12/15/09


"You might wonder: what's the rush on health care reform?" asks John Shadegg, Arizona Republican. "With little time to review or debate, and with no hope whatsoever to make any changes to the massive government takeover of health care, Democrats are hoping to cram as much junk into their legislation as possible, as fast as possible."

They also don't want you to find out that you're going to end up paying more for your health care insurance, despite promises by President B.O. to the contrary.

"In speech after speech," reported the New York Times on July 23, 2008, "Senator Barack Obama has vowed that he will lower the country's health care costs enough to 'bring down premiums by $2,500 for the typical family.'"

But as Congressman Shadegg points out, "the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has stated that health care premiums in the individual market will be 10 to 13 percent higher than under current law. That's an average increase of $300 for an individual policy, and $2,100 for a family policy."

"Do your friends and neighbors know their premiums will go up, not down?" Shadegg asks. "Do they know that not only will they be forced into a government plan, but they will have to pay more for what they don't want?"

They won't. Unless you and I tell them. And FAST!
By David Limbaugh
December 15, 2009

It's bad enough for America that President Barack Obama is a committed far-left ideologue, but when you couple that with his narcissism, you've got a recipe for a major disaster.

He told Oprah Winfrey he deserves "a good solid B-plus" for his first year in office. The only things standing in his way for that coveted A are -- for the most part -- other people, such as evil Republicans who oppose socialized medicine.

It's obvious that Obama is as self-absorbed as he is delusional. While most Americans are worried about the financial destruction of our country and our resulting inability to bequeath our heirs a land of liberty, Obama is fretting over the stresses the job is placing on him.

"The biggest burden on me right now is that economic growth has happened, but job growth has not happened." Note the "burden on me." Similarly, he said his painfully belabored decision to send 30,000 additional troops to Afghanistan hit him "in the gut."

Obama insists economic growth has returned and job recovery is just a matter of time, but many are not so sure of either. But all are sure that his unwavering debt path is unsustainable and suicidal.

When the George W. Bush economy was humming for almost eight years, Obama and his media friends gave Bush no credit because, they said, we were experiencing "jobless growth." These partisan charlatans characterized 4.5 percent unemployment as "joblessness." What does that make 10 percent -- especially in light of Obama's promise to keep it less than 8 percent?

Shouldn't Obama be held to the same standard that he and his liberal friends set for President Bush? A June 10, 2007, editorial by George F. Will had it just right: "In 2002, when (Bush's) tax cuts kicked in and the economy began 65 months -- so far -- of uninterrupted growth, critics said: But it is a 'jobless recovery,' (even though) the unemployment rate steadily declined (to) 4.5 percent."

Lawrence Kudlow wrote in 2006 that Democrats who proclaimed a "jobless recovery" in 2003 and 2004 "had to eat crow." "Right now," Kudlow wrote, "total employment in the U.S. stands at a record high of 144 million. This is a big number, just as 4.6 percent unemployment is a low number."

But despite the objectively positive data, liberals wouldn't permit any positive perspective on the Bush economy, to the point that they had convinced 64 percent of Americans (according to a Gallup Poll) that the economy was doing poorly.

National Review Online's Victor Davis Hanson affirmed the liberals' delusional naysaying on economic and foreign policy issues. He wrote: "For some time, a large number of Americans have lived in an alternate universe where everything is supposedly going to hell. If you get up in the morning to read the New York Times or Washington Post, watch John Murtha or Howard Dean on the morning talk shows, listen to National Public Radio at noon, and go to bed reading Newsweek it surely seems that the administration is incommunicado (cf. 'the bubble'), the war is lost ('unwinnable'), the Great Depression is back ('jobless recovery'), and America about as popular as Nazi Germany abroad ('alone and isolated')."

Yet Obama pats himself on the back because "we are on our way out of Iraq," and he thinks "we've got the best possible plan for Afghanistan."

How he can give himself credit for Iraq is beyond comprehension. He vigorously opposed the surge, which everyone acknowledges turned the war around, and he steadfastly refused to admit he was wrong. Our withdrawal from Iraq is only possible because wiser heads prevailed. As for Afghanistan, he ultimately made the right decision to listen to the generals -- partially. He refused to send the number of troops they requested, demoralized our forces and emboldened the enemy in needlessly delaying his decision, and telegraphed our lukewarm commitment to the war by setting a short-term withdrawal date just as he was increasing troop deployments.

How about Obama's restoration of America's image? Well, he's gone around the world telling people how terrible we are -- not exactly the smartest PR move. He's consistently insulted our greatest ally, Britain; a Wall Street Journal article this week notes that he snubbed Britain by failing to mention its support in Afghanistan while touting nations offering less support. He disses our ally Israel, treating it as a terrorist nation and demanding that it unilaterally cease settlements in a portion of its own land.

And how about Obama's promotion of cap and trade in the midst of ClimateGate, his refusal to back down on Obamacare despite 56 percent public opposition, and his plan to spend the billions of TARP repayments while the nation is on the brink of bankruptcy from his spending?


"Delusional" is an understatement.


David Limbaugh is a writer, author and attorney. His book "Bankrupt: The Intellectual and Moral Bankruptcy of Today's Democratic Party" was released recently in paperback. To find out more about David Limbaugh, please visit his Web site at
What do you get if you cross a setter and a pointer?

A pointsetter

Monday, December 14, 2009

How do cats greet each other at Christmas?

"A furry merry Christmas and happy Mew Year!"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Elf Yourself!

Go to this site, upload a picture and you have transformed yourself into a dancing Elf! Have fun!