A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

In Washington, D.C. an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die," whispered the priest. 

"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse. 

The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected."

Reid agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Obama's hand in his right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?" 

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 

"Amen" said Obama. 

"Amen" said Reid. 

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."