Thursday, February 09, 2012

Catholic School Test

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible even a little, you’ll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not be retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. 

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. 
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. 
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud peole and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 
7 Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 
8, The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments 
9. The First Commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou shalt not admit adultery. 
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada the Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. 
12. The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 
14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 
16. When the Three Wise Guys from the East Side arrived they found Jesus in the manager. 
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.  
20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibles. 
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also an taximan. 
24. St Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached Holy Acrimony which is another name for marriage. 
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

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Kitten here: I re-typed this and in the process did change from ALL CAPS to Caps and lower case, so I might have capitalized or un-capped something that in the original (all caps version) might have been the reverse, otherwise, I tried very hard to not change any of the above. It about killed me to not make corrections!!!

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Letters To Dear Abby


Dear Abby admitted she was at a loss to answer the following:


Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker, in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? 

Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR? 

Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his. 

Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three-year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. 

Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around and when confronted with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. 

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? 

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I seen it. Now how do I get out? 

Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week, for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy. 

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank, until one night he came home sober. 

Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause. 

Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Tuesday, February 07, 2012


EXPLAINABLE,  INEXCUSABLE

 No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While Politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. It just does not make any sense.

 

Monday on Fox news they learned that the staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans. This will get national attention if other news networks will broadcast it. When you add this to the below, just where will all of it stop?

35 States file lawsuit against the Federal Government

Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention.

This is an idea that we should address.

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform... in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop.

If each person that receives this will forward it on to 20 people, in three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States ."


Kitten here, received this in email, so I don't know when this was on Fox. I doubt this proposed 28th Amendment would ever make it, although I like the idea. I'm personally tired of Congress granting things to themselves that don't apply to their employers, the citizens of the United States. A lot of stuff makes it around the Internet saying Congress this and Congress that, and with a little research, turns out not to be true, but in my humble opinion, Congress should not receive any benefit of any sort that does not also apply to each and every citizen of the US.


I've done a little research and found a few links that refer to possible 28th Amendments. Interesting, check it out.


http://www.snopes.com/politics/medical/28thamendment.asp
http://kgarry.wordpress.com/2010/03/14/the-proposed-28th-amendment-to-the-constitution/
http://www.sodahead.com/united-states/proposed-28th-amendment-to-the-constitution/question-2406671/

Monday, February 06, 2012