Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Kiss...

He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.

She is pregnant.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

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He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

And people say animals are dumb.
Nothing Better Than Friendship

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from email - first of a series

Friday, July 14, 2006

For The Ladies

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her step mother to exchange her dress, but she refused. "Absolutely not - I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother about the dress issue who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Something To Offend Everyone!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

If you were offended by any of these, register your objections with That's where I got 'em
The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf country club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up.

The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Alzheimer's Eye Test - Answer

THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.

READ IT AGAIN! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's.

The reasoning behind is that the brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends. It will drive them crazy! And keep them occupied for several minutes.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Press Release - Reform Tax Policy Now

America First Party
1630 A 30th Street #111
Boulder, Colorado 80301

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

REFORM TAX POLICY NOW Boulder, CO - The America First Party believes the American people deserve a tax system that is fair and does not attempt to control them. The Party seeks the elimination of the income and property taxes, the dissolution of the IRS, and a return to a tax system envisioned by our Nation's founders.

National Chairman Dan Charles stated: "For years the Republican Party promised that once in power, they would fundamentally reform the way Americans were taxed. They have controlled Congress since 1994. They have held the Presidency since 2000. Yet nothing has changed. Their temporary and miniscule tax cuts to date have merely fiddled about the edges. The GOP continues the enslavement of the American people to the Federal Leviathan."

National Press Secretary Romelle Winters added, "President Bush and the GOP Congressional Leadership established a 'Blue Ribbon' panel on tax reform and simplification. Its report, like the current bloated tax code, was complex, conflicting, convoluted, and bewildering. Republicans lay taxes just like Democrats--to advance their own form of social engineering. Our government spends too much and burdens our people and their children with the bill. The American people should decide their own tax rate, not career politicians who trade tax loopholes and spending pork for campaign contributions."

Mr. Charles continued, "It is time to rip the income tax and the IRS up by the roots and toss them on the bonfire of history. It is no one's business how much you earn, least of all the government's. It is no one's business how you spend your money, least of all the government's. By returning to a tax system based on tariffs, excise and sales taxes, and user fees, the American people would be able to decide how much they are taxed by their spending habits."

Mr. Charles concluded, "Some claim that the GOP is better on this issue than Democrats. But that is like saying the slave master who beats you nearly to death three days a week is better than the slave master who beats you five days a week. It may be true, but we deserve better."

In 2002, the America First Party endorsed the FairTax, which eliminates all income taxes and puts in their place a revenue neutral uniform national retail sales tax, as a good first step toward fiscal and moral responsibility. To learn more about the Party's position on taxes, follow this link to the tax plank of our platform:

---The America First Party was founded in April 2002 and is focused on electing principled citizen statesmen who will preserve and protect our people and our sovereignty, promote economic growth and independence, encourage the traditional values of faith, family, and responsibility, ensure equality before the law in protecting those rights granted by the Creator, and clean up our corrupted political system. In 2004, the AFP elected two-thirds of its candidates to public office.

Contacts: Dan Charles,
National Chairman
1-866-SOS-USA1, ext 4

Romelle Winters,
Press Secretary
1-866-SOS-USA1, ext 2

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Monday, July 10, 2006

When women enter middle age,

it gives men a pause.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

God is like...

DELTA .... He's ready when you are.
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare.

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, He saw me, and He asked: "My child, what is your greatest wish for today?"

I responded:

"Lord please, take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much."

The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginning, but not its end.

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.