Saturday, December 01, 2007

Christmas Quiz

Here is a link to a fun Christmas Game.

The whole family can join in the fun of our Christmas Quiz - everyone enjoys playing.

This Christmas Quiz is really unusual. It feels just like you are playing a fast Christmas game. You are given fourteen Christmas Quiz questions to answer which become increasingly difficult. The Christmas Quiz is in a multi-choice format, there's no typing you just point and click to the answer of your choice.

This Christmas Quiz can drive you crazy so before you answer a Christmas Quiz question make sure you are confident of your answer. Are you sure? Are you REALLY Sure? If you are not sure then we give you the opportunity to Change a Question (but only once per game) or you can "Ask the Web".

Have fun!

Fun Game

Maybe not a Christmas game, but it's worth a moment of fun :D

Pick the month you were born:

January I kicked
February I loved
March I karate chopped
April I licked
May I jumped on
June I smelled
July I did the Macarena with
August I had lunch with
September I danced with
October I sang to
November I yelled at
December I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1. a birdbath
2. a monster
3. a phone
4. a fork
5. a snowman
6. a gangster
7. my cell phone
8. my dog
9. my best friends' boyfriend
10. my neighbor
11. my science teacher
12. a banana
13. a fireman
14. a stuffed animal
15. a goat
16. a pickle
17. your mom
18. a spoon
19. a smurf
20. a baseball bat
21. a ninja
22. Chuck Norris
23. a noodle
24. a squirrel
25. a football player
26. my sister
27. my brother
28. an ipod
29. a surfer
30. a llama
31. A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White because I'm cool like that
Black because that's how I roll.
Pink because I'm NOT crazy.
Red because the voices told me to
Blue because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green because I think I need some serious help.
Purple because I'm AWESOME!
Gray because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown because I can.
Other because I'm a Ninja!
None because I can't control myself

Mine turned out to be: I had lunch with a banana because I'm a ninja..!

How about you?
Man Charged After Santa Gets Pie in Face

MISSOULA, Mont. (AP) - A college student accused of shoving a pumpkin pie into the face of a shopping-mall Santa Claus has been charged with misdemeanor assault.

Clint Westwood, 22, said he "lightly smooshed" the pie into the man's face Friday and shouted, "What do you think of that, Santa?"

Westwood, a drama student at the University of Montana, said he videotaped the encounter and plans to include the clip in an upcoming film.

He said that after the pie ruckus on Wednesday, he expected to approach Santa for a signature on a film-release form, but police arrived first.

"It's a good thing he didn't wait around, because I think Santa would have laid him out," said Sgt. Travis Welsh of the Missoula Police Department.

Westwood said he and companions had waited for a girl about 15 years old to finish sitting on Santa's lap before the pie hit his face, "but then we just decided it would be funnier if she was still sitting there."

Tell me, is this funny? Assaulting a person? Never mind that it's Santa, never mind that it's a pie, this college student committed assault to provide a clip for an upcoming film. Would the distributor be UTube by any chance? Battery could be charged, but considering the "reason", such as it is, I think assault is sufficient.

Then he expected "Santa" to sign a release form? I know what I would tell him to do with his release form if it were me.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Pilots & Control Towers
Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower:"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower:"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."


A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."


There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."


A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."


The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right
there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
He Misses Bill Clinton

From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax. Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women. Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he doesn't! And, he gets a check from the government every month. Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with 'Clinton Soup,'" in honor of one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.

"Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.

"When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied,
'I don't know, I never had one.'

"The Clinton revised judicial oath: 'I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know.'

"Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between Bushes."
The Attack on Christmas

Amidst this Christmas season, I have taken the liberty of gathering a few of my favorite examples of the politically correct war against Christmas.

First let's take a little trip to Ft. Collins, Colorado where the city task force wanted strictly white lights, bare garlands and secular symbols such as snowflakes because colored lights and ornamented trees were
too suggestive of a religious Christmas. In other words, this holiday task force was nothing more than a bunch of government bureaucrats with an activist agenda. Luckily, in this case, you will be happy to know that the city's residents spoke up, forcing the council to reject the proposal to create the strictly secular, multicultural display.

Traveling across the ocean, we go to Sydney, Australia where Santa Clauses were being trained not to say the traditional "ho, ho, ho." This is because the word "ho" is
offensive to women, and the children shouldn't be exposed to such derogatory words. Some Santas did quit over the dispute.

In Wales, an elementary school has banned its students from swapping Christmas cards because they are
bad for the environment. Instead, teachers will allow the students to make one card each for someone in their class to ensure that everyone gets a card. Isn't that great ... combining environmentalism with "fairness." What a concept?

In Oregon, a coalition has been formed to make sure that Christmas trees are coming from farms that are
environmentally friendly. The farms must meet the standards for properly managing wetlands, nutrients and pests. They must also conserve water and soil and be conscious of biodiversity and worker safety. The environmentalists like to call these "safe" trees.

While we are on the west coast, the Seattle mayor told children at a "holiday" tree lighting ceremony that children must use energy-efficient light bulbs
otherwise Santa and his reindeers will drown because of melting icecaps.

Santas in Great Britain are being told to slim down and get in shape in order to set a good example "for the children."

Are you getting the picture, folks? But we're not finished yet!

In its 2007 Holiday catalogue, Lowe's decided that even "holiday trees" were not PC enough. It decided to
re-name them "family trees." Lowe's has since apologized, saying it was a fact-checking error.

And finally, a principal at a government school in Winchester, Massachusetts canceled the school's annual trip to see "Miracle on 34th Street" because it is
too focused on Santa Claus.

Merry Christmas, folks. The politically correct are gearing up to make it a jolly season.

Re-Education Campaign
Can we say Big Brother??? More on the global warming non-issue.

Look, before anyone berates me for being part of the problem, I'm all for being as "green" as we can, but this global warning is a phony issue being used to show what "bad" people we Americans are. While there is some truth, there is a lot of junk science thrown into the equation that is taken out of proportion.

Here's the
Just Go Fishing

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65"

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fishhook, and you sold him a BOAT AND a TRUCK???!!!"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing........"
From here

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town.

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 8 - 9 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".

Jose says, .... "Look at your sign, what does it say"?

Carlos sign reads, 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'

Jose says, "No wonder you only get $8 - 9 dollars."

Carlos says... "So what does your sign say?"

Jose shows Carlos his sign...... It reads, 'I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico !'

Everybody Party Now...!!


This is a game that is said to be used to test USAF pilots. I have no idea whether that's true or not, but it is kind of fun. Let me warn you that it can be addictive, so proceed at your own risk.

The object is to move the red square around the board without touching the black walls or the blue blocks. If you touch them, the game is over. going 18 seconds is phenomenal.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Christmas Tree Angel

One Christmas things weren't going too well for Santa up there at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus was sick, the elves were on strike and the reindeer all had diarrhea. Santa was totally frazzled.

In the midst of all this an angel came in with the tree and asked Santa, "Where would you like me to put the Christmas Tree?"
Word Play

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

Monday, November 26, 2007

What Christmas Ornament are You?

Try this
link at Blogthings to find out.

This is me....

You Are an Angel

A truly giving soul, you understand the spirit of Christmas.

Now THAT'S What I'm talkin' about!!
The Borscht Belt

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others. Don't you miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their comedy.

Here are some examples:

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night ..... I finally had to let her out.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
The man says, "I make a good living."

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

My wife & I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest.
The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

A bum asked a fellow, "Give me $10 till payday."
The fellow responded, "When's payday?"
The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is 'Not Now.'
:: rimshot ::