Breaking News

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These Southern boys will be dropped in Afghanistan knowing only these facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today. 

2. There is no limit. 

3. They taste just like chicken. 

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus. 

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. 

The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Monday.

Woman brings a duck to Vet. 

Vet says, "Your duck is dead." 

Woman says, "Are you sure?" 

"Yes," says Vet. 

"How can you be sure you've done no tests." 

Vet brings in a Labrador Retriever which sniffs the duck and shakes his head. 

Next, a cat which sniffs the bird and shakes its head. 

 Vet says, "Sorry, but as I said your duck is dead." Vet hands woman a bill. 

She cries, "$820 to tell me my duck is dead!" 

Vet says, "If you had taken my word for it the bill would be $20, but Lab Reports and Cat Scans cost extra!!"

Three babies in a womb discussing what they would be when they were born and grown up. 

First said: "I wanna be a plumber so I can fix the pipes in here coz its a bit leaky." 

Second said: "I wanna be an electrician so I can get sum light in here, its a bit dark." 

Third said: "I'm gonna be a boxer." 

The others thought this hilarious and asked, "Why?" 

He replied: "So I can beat the shit out of the bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!!"

"A husband and a wife got a new computer. The husband puts "my penis" as the password.

The wife falls out laughing because the computer said "Error - Too Short"!