Saturday, March 25, 2006


8 years old
Hateful little dog

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog

Mother, AKC German Shepherd
Father, Super to leap tall fences in a single bound

Looks like a rat
Been out a while
Better be a reward

Also 1 gay bull for sale

Hardly used, call Chubby

California grown - 89 cents lb.

Must sell washer and dryer $300

Call Stephanie


Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes
Excellent condition.$1,000 or best offer
No longer needed, got married last month
Wife knows everything

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From email
It's An Animal's Life

It's in there somewhere, I just know it!

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from email

Friday, March 24, 2006

For The Ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

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This series was shamelessly stolen from Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Martha vs. Maxine

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Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine's Way Image hosting by Photobucket

Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
from email - first in a series

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

In Honor of Stupid People. . .Part 5
Actual label instructions on consumer goods

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On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)

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On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)

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More to follow

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Monday, March 20, 2006


I am your dog, and I have a little something I'd like to whisper in your ear. I know that you humans lead busy lives. Some have to work, some have children to raise. It always seems like you are running here and there, often much too fast, often never noticing the truly grand things in life. Look down at me now, while you sit there at your computer. See the way my dark brown eyes look at yours? They are slightly cloudy now. That comes with age. The gray hairs are beginning to ring my soft muzzle.

You smile at me; I see love in your eyes. What do you see in mine? Do you see a spirit? A soul inside, who loves you as no other could in the world? A spirit that would forgive all trespasses of prior wrong doing for just a simple moment of your time? That is all I ask. To slow down, if even for a few minutes to be with me. So many times you have been saddened by the words you read on that screen, of other of my kind, passing. Sometimes we die young and oh so quickly, sometimes so suddenly it wrenches your heart out of your throat. Sometimes, we age so slowly before your eyes that you may not even seem to know until the very end, when we look at you with grizzled muzzles and cataract clouded eyes. Still the love is always there, even when we must take that long sleep, to run free in a distant land.

I may not be here tomorrow; I may not be here next week. Someday you will shed the water from your eyes, that humans have when deep grief fills their souls, and you will be angry at yourself that you did not have just "One more day" with me. Because I love you so, your sorrow touches my spirit and grieves me. We have NOW, together. So come, sit down here next to me on the floor, and look deep into my eyes. What do you see? If you look hard and deep enough we will talk, you and I, heart to heart. Come to me not as "alpha" or as "trainer" or even "Mom or Dad," come to me as a living soul and stroke my fur and let us look deep into one another's eyes, and talk.

I may tell you something about the fun of chasing a tennis ball, or I may tell you something profound about myself, or even life in general. You decided to have me in your life because you wanted a soul to share such things with. Someone very different from you, and here I am. I am a dog, but I am alive. I feel emotion, I feel physical senses, and I can revel in the differences of our spirits and souls. I do not think of you as a "Dog on two feet" -- I know what you are. You are human, in all your quirkiness, and I love you still.

Now, come sit with me, on the floor. Enter my world, and let time slow down if only for 15 minutes. Look deep into my eyes, and whisper to my ears. Speak with your heart, with your joy and I will know your true self. We may not have tomorrow, and life is oh so very short.

(on behalf of canines everywhere)

Author Unknown
Irish Blessings, Sayings and Songs

May you always have
Walls for the winds,
A roof for the rain,
Tea beside the fire,
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all your heart might desire!

May you be inHeaven a half hour before theDevil knows you're dead!

When Irish eyes are smiling,Tis like a morn in spring.
With a lilt of Irish laughterYou can hear the angels sing
When Irish hearts are happy All the world is bright and gay
When Irish eyes are smiling Sure, they steal your heart away.

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid youWherever you go.

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

May the best day of your past
Be the worst day of your future.

I'm looking over a four leaf clover
That I overlooked before
One leaf is sunshine, the second is rain,
Third is the roses that grow in the lane.
No need explaining the one remaining
Is somebody I adore.
I'm looking over a four leaf clover
That I overlooked before.

May you live to be a hundred years
With one extra year to repent.

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping!

As you slide down the banister of life,
May the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

May luck be our companion
May friends stand by our side
May history remind us all
Of Ireland's faith and pride.
May God bless us with happiness
May love and faith abide.

Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter
Lullabies, dreams, and love ever after.
Poems and songs with pipes and drums
A thousand welcomes when anyone comes.
That's the Irish for you!

There's a dear little plant that grows in our isle,
'Twas St. Patrick himself, sure, that sets it;
And the sun of his labor with pleasure did smile,
And with dew from his eye often wet it.
It grows through the bog, through the brake, through the mireland,
And they call it the dear little Shamrock of Ireland.

May your neighbors respect you,
Troubles neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And Heaven accept you.

May you have:A world of wishes at your command
God and his angels close at hand
Friends and family their love impart,
And Irish blessings in you heart.

May God grant you many years to live,
For sure he must be knowing
The earth has angels all to few
And Heaven is overflowing.

These things I warmly wish to you-
Someone to love
Some work to do
A bit o' sun
A bit o' cheer
And a guardian angel always near.

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.

O Ireland isn't it grand you look like a bride in her rich adornin?
And with all the pent up love of my heartI bid you the top o' the mornin!
Love the Irish

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

Oh yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you coward!
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Sunday, March 19, 2006


Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established orthodox churches in the colonies.

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Part 7

The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...

Noah was a drunk

Abraham was too old

Isaac was a daydreamer

Jacob was a liar

Leah was ugly

Joseph was abused

Moses had a stuttering problem

Gideon was afraid

Samson had long hair and was a womanizer

Rahab was a prostitute

Jeremiah and Timothy were too young

David had an affair and was a murderer

Elijah was suicidal

Isaiah preached naked

Jonah ran from God

Naomi was a widow

Job went bankrupt

Peter denied Christ

The Disciples fell asleep while praying

Martha worried about everything

Mary Magdalene was, well you know . . .

The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once

Zaccheus was too small

Paul was too religious

Timothy had an ulcer..

AND Lazarus was dead!

Now! No more excuses!

God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. And one more thing...Share this with a friend or two...In the Circle of God's love, God's waiting to use your full potential.

Gotta Love the Irish

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have You been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "He's done it again!"

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