Sunday, May 01, 2005

I Knew I Liked Her

Laura Bush appeared onstage at the White House Washington Correspondents Dinner last night. Apparently George was speaking and she "interrupted" and proceeded to steal the show with quips and one liners about her husband, the Bush family, and life in the White House. I wish I could see her entire routine. What I did see had me on the floor!

Here are a few of the lines I remember. I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember the exact wording, so any mistakes, and lack of humor, are mine.

On evenings in the White House: Laura is married to the President of the United States and "Mr. Excitment" is asleep by 9:00 pm. Laura's watching Desparate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. She (Laura) is a desparate housewife. If the women on Desparate Housewives think they are desparate, they should be with George.

He's asleep at 9:00 pm (she's not kidding). She told him that if he wants to end world tryanny, he has to stay up later.

Laura, Lynne, Condi, and Karen (Hughes) went to Chippendales. She wasn't going to even mention it, but Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sandra Day O'Connor saw them there. Laura won't tell what happened there, but Lynne's new Secret Service name is "Dollar Bill".

On family vacations at Kennebunkport: Three days at Kennebunkport is like winning first prize. Second prize is ten days.


Kennebunkport is like Crawford without the nightlife.

On Barbara Bush: People thinks she's a sweet grandmotherly, Aunt Bea type. She's more like Don Corleone.

On living on the ranch: George didn't know anything about living on a ranch when they bought the place in Crawford. He went out to do some milking and tried to milk a horse. A male horse.

His answer to problems on the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw. Laura thinks that's why he gets along so well with Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. When he clears brush and cuts down trees on the ranch, their twin daughters refer to it as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Hmmm...some talking heads are talking about how risque Laura's jokes were. I must have missed those.

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