Recipe for Holiday Fruit Cake

You'll need the following:

A cup of water
a cup of sugar
four large brown eggs
two cups of mixed dried fruit
a teaspoon of salt
a cup of brown sugar
lemon juic
nuts
A bottle of whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality
Take a large bowl
Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay.
Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer.
Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of alt.
Or something.
Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Spoon.
Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again and go to bed.