Exit Polls
I have never, in umpteen years of voting (back in the days when we chiseled our votes on a slab of rock), been asked how I voted at an exit poll. I sort of feel left out. I've always wanted to be asked who I voted for so that I could:
1. Tell the truth. I'm the type, who when asked a question usually tells the truth. Especially if I wasn't prepared. Sorry, that's just the way I am. It's easier for me to tell the truth than it is to remember the lie.
2. Lie and say I voted for the "other guy" so that I can skew the exit polls. That's what I really want to do. Skew the exit polls. And, it has an added benefit: if the "other guy" wins I'm on record as saying I voted for him and I look like a genius. At least until he screws up. Then the fingers get pointed and people start saying, "this is all your fault!" I know this is opposite of #1, but it's not a lie I have to remember for any length of time. When the fingers start pointing, it won't matter, no one would believe the truth anyway.
3. I think this would be lots of fun with live TV cameras running, but cameras aren't necessary. If a camera is present, ask if we're on live. If so say, "It's none of your (insert expletive of your choice - the juicier the better) business. The last I knew, this was a (insert expletive etc) secret ballot." Of course, expletives can be inserted at any place, or multiple places, and multiple expletives can be used. This can be combined with #4.
4. Scream as loudly and as maniacally as possible, "I voted a straight Democratic ticket! You think I'm brain dead?" It seems to work for Dems like Howard Dean and Al Gore.
5. Look at the exit pollster and say, "Mommy? Mommy is that you? Mommy where have you been, I've missed you so much!" Especially beneficial if the pollster is male.
6. If you're a very good actor, you can use any combination of 3, 4, and 5 for a really good exit interview. The script would have to be re-worked, but the combination could be very effective. Of course, you might be carted off for a 72 hour observation period, but think of it as a vacation. Since you aren't going to hurt yourself or anyone else, you probably won't be kept more than a couple of hours when the therapists realize you were simply acting for the benefit of the camera.
I have never, in umpteen years of voting (back in the days when we chiseled our votes on a slab of rock), been asked how I voted at an exit poll. I sort of feel left out. I've always wanted to be asked who I voted for so that I could:
1. Tell the truth. I'm the type, who when asked a question usually tells the truth. Especially if I wasn't prepared. Sorry, that's just the way I am. It's easier for me to tell the truth than it is to remember the lie.
2. Lie and say I voted for the "other guy" so that I can skew the exit polls. That's what I really want to do. Skew the exit polls. And, it has an added benefit: if the "other guy" wins I'm on record as saying I voted for him and I look like a genius. At least until he screws up. Then the fingers get pointed and people start saying, "this is all your fault!" I know this is opposite of #1, but it's not a lie I have to remember for any length of time. When the fingers start pointing, it won't matter, no one would believe the truth anyway.
3. I think this would be lots of fun with live TV cameras running, but cameras aren't necessary. If a camera is present, ask if we're on live. If so say, "It's none of your (insert expletive of your choice - the juicier the better) business. The last I knew, this was a (insert expletive etc) secret ballot." Of course, expletives can be inserted at any place, or multiple places, and multiple expletives can be used. This can be combined with #4.
4. Scream as loudly and as maniacally as possible, "I voted a straight Democratic ticket! You think I'm brain dead?" It seems to work for Dems like Howard Dean and Al Gore.
5. Look at the exit pollster and say, "Mommy? Mommy is that you? Mommy where have you been, I've missed you so much!" Especially beneficial if the pollster is male.
6. If you're a very good actor, you can use any combination of 3, 4, and 5 for a really good exit interview. The script would have to be re-worked, but the combination could be very effective. Of course, you might be carted off for a 72 hour observation period, but think of it as a vacation. Since you aren't going to hurt yourself or anyone else, you probably won't be kept more than a couple of hours when the therapists realize you were simply acting for the benefit of the camera.
If you choose to use any of these ideas, feel free to change the script as you choose. I must say this, however, should you use #4 and substitute Republican for Democratic, you run the risk of losing credibility. Only Democrats seem to retain credibility when coming unhinged.
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