Just Push

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So, this the man did, day after day.

For many years he toiled from sunup to sundown, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all of his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't moved." Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, "Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."

That's what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to the Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push.

And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown; your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have.

True, you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. That you have done.

Now I, my friend, will move the rock."

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just a simple obedience and faith in Him. By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves mountains.

When everything seems to go wrong ... just P. U. S. H.

When the job gets you down . just P. U. S. H.

When people don't react the way you think they should .. just P. U. S.H.

When your money is gone and the bills are due .. just P. U. S. H.

When people just don't understand you ... just P.U.S.H.

P = Pray
U = Until
S = Something
H = Happens

Pass this on to all the loved ones and friends who may need it; they may get it just in time.

It's An Animal's Life

PUT THAT NOSE UP HERE ONE MORE TIME AND YOU'LL HAVE 3 NOSTRILS!

from email

Letter to the Editor

A lady wrote the best letter to the Editor in ages!! It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house)."

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking-in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice, and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America....if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.

from email

All of us girls...

Old and young...
Near and far...
Hold special memories of good times we've shared.

We've had our share of hard times when our

friends were there to make us feel better.

We've shared...
our hearts
our time
our secrets
our fears
our hopes
and our dreams.

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

LIBERTY

Often, when people evaluate capitalism, they evaluate a system that exists on Earth. When they evaluate communism, they are talking about a non-existent Utopia. What exists on Earth, with all of its problems and shortcomings, is always going to fail miserably when compared to a Utopia. The very attempt to achieve the utopian goals of communism requires the ruthless suppression of the individual and an attack on any institution that might compromise the loyalty of the individual to the state. That’s why one of the first orders of business for communism, and those who support its ideas, is the attack on religion and the family. Rank nations according to whether they are closer to the capitalism end or the communism end of the economic spectrum. Then rank nations according to human rights protections. Finally, rank nations according to per capita income. Without question, citizens of those nations closer to capitalism enjoy a higher standard of living and a far greater measure of liberty than those in nations closer to communism.

—Walter Williams

from email

These People Vote

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount .

. . . . He ALSO votes!

Why Her Daddy Wasn't There

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her Mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.

You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

Paul Harvey's Riddle

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors.

What is greater than God,

More evil than the devil,

The poor have it,

The rich need it,

And if you eat it, you'll die?

Received in email.

It's An Animal's Life

ALL RIGHT, WHO CHOSE WHO WE STAND BY? I HAVE STANDARDS

from email

The IRS Tax Code - Did You Know?

The complete Internal Revenue Code is more than 24 megabytes in length

It contains more than 3.4 million words

If printed 60 lines to the page, it would fill more than 7500 letter-size (8.5 x 11 inch) pages (that's 15 reams of paper-ed.).

The You Go, Girl!! Corner

Part 2

Jilted Bride Turns Wedding Into Benefit

VERGENNES, Vt. (AP) - A woman who learned six weeks before her wedding that her fiance was cheating on her is turning her would-be reception into a charity benefit.

"I'm really just trying to turn it around and make something positive out of it," said Kyle Paxman.

Paxman, 29, had planned to celebrate her nuptials at the Basin Harbor Club on Lake Champlain on Saturday. When she found out about her fiance, she called off the 180-guest wedding and the four-year relationship.

She and her mother canceled the band, photographer and florist, but learned they would not be reimbursed for the reception and block of rooms they had reserved. So they turned the reception into a benefit for the Vermont Children's Aid Society and CARE USA, an international relief organization that aims to combat poverty by empowering women.

They sent out invitations to 125 women for drinks and a gourmet four-course dinner. In exchange, they hope the guests will make donations to the charities.

From the You Go, Girl!! Corner

Woman in Wheelchair Shoots Alleged Mugger

NEW YORK (AP) - Margaret Johnson's wheelchair might have made her look like an easy target. But when a mugger tried to grab a chain off her neck Friday, the 56-year-old pulled out her licensed .357 pistol and shot him, police said.

Johnson said she was in Harlem on her way to a shooting range when the man, identified by police as 45-year-old Deron Johnson, came up from behind and went for the chain.

"There's not much to it," she said in a brief interview. "Somebody tried to mug me, and I shot him."

Deron Johnson was taken to Harlem Hospital with a single bullet wound in the elbow, police said. He faces a robbery charge, said Lt. John Grimpel, a police spokesman.

Margaret Johnson, who lives in Harlem, has a permit for the weapon and does not face charges, Grimpel said. She also was taken to the hospital with minor injuries and later released.

'Star Trek' Marks 40th Anniversary
By MICHAEL CIDONI

(AP)

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Cue the iconic theme music: Forty years ago, on September 8, 1966, "Star Trek" lifted off into TV and cultural history. Over the subsequent decades, the sci-fi adventure series has amassed millions of fans and emerged as a relentless entertainment empire.

Stars William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy sat down recently with the Associated Press and recalled "The Man Trap," the episode that would kick off the show's three-year prime-time run.

"The first show that was on the air was a show with a creature that was a salt sucker," recalled Nimoy. "It was somebody inside a weird-looking suit and it attacked humans because it needed the copper or the salt out of your body to survive or something like that."

"That was the first one?" asked Shatner.

"Yes, that was the first one on the air," Nimoy answered. "And it was because NBC decided that this series would be most successful if we had sort of a monster of the week to sell. What's the monster this week? And so they put a monster show on the air the first episode, and I think it was a terrible mistake, because it was really not what we were about."

To mark the anniversary, classic-TV network TV Land on Friday (8 p.m. EDT) will showcase four episodes from the original "Star Trek" series, including the premiere and the historic episode featuring TV's first interracial kiss. "Star Trek" episodes will begin airing regularly on the channel on November 17. Episodes will also be available online at TVLand.com.

It's first season, ratings and many reviews were somewhat lackluster, as was communication between the leading men. The second season, they agreed, was the show's strongest.

This blast from the past got Nimoy reminiscing. "I first met Bill several years after 'Star Trek' went off the air," he joked, inspiring Shatner to laugh.

"That's a funny line," Shatner injected. "We're talking about 'Star Trek' 40 years and that's the first time he said that."

"We were too busy making the show to meet," Nimoy continued.

Shatner: "He'd go into makeup early in the morning, and I'd arrive jauntily hours later, and then have to drag him - by three hours in makeup, he was exhausted. Rest of the day, I'd have to drag him along."

"He'd carry me the rest of the day," Nimoy said, jokingly. "And I'd say to him, literally, 'Who are you? What's your name?"

"Literally," Shatner said, completing the comic riff. "I had to introduce myself by the third year. This is Frick and Frack. We do this all the time."

The "Star Trek" movies that followed were hit-and-miss critically, but most were commercial successes. Subsequent "Star Trek" TV series were all hits, except for the last, "Enterprise," which debuted in 2001 and went off the air in 2005, failing to find a sizable audience.

"Lost" creator and "Mission: Impossible III" director J.J. Abrams has reportedly been signed to direct a new big-screen "Trek" feature.

"He's a very talented man," said Nimoy, himself a successful director of the blockbusting "Three Men and a Baby" and other films. "I think he should get in touch with us right away."

"And pay our price," said Shatner, dryly.

"That would make us happy, to be helpful," added Nimoy, laughing.

In addition to the TV Land airings and upcoming movie, high-definition versions of the original "Star Trek" shows, complete with updated special effects, are set to debut in syndication September 16th. Check your local listings.

Democratic Response to the 9/11 Miniseries

September 7, 2006

Mr. Robert A. Iger
President and CEO
The Walt Disney Company
500 South Buena Vista Street
Burbank CA 91521

Dear Mr. Iger,

We write with serious concerns about the planned upcoming broadcast of The Path to 9/11 mini-series on September 10 and 11. Countless reports from experts on 9/11 who have viewed the program indicate numerous and serious inaccuracies that will undoubtedly serve to misinform the American people about the tragic events surrounding the terrible attacks of that day. Furthermore, the manner in which this program has been developed, funded, and advertised suggests a partisan bent unbecoming of a major company like Disney and a major and well respected news organization like ABC. We therefore urge you to cancel this broadcast to cease Disney's plans to use it as a teaching tool in schools across America through Scholastic. Presenting such deeply flawed and factually inaccurate misinformation to the American public and to children would be a gross miscarriage of your corporate and civic responsibility to the law, to your shareholders, and to the nation.

The Communications Act of 1934 provides your network with a free broadcast license predicated on the fundamental understanding of your principle obligation to act as a trustee of the public airwaves in serving the public interest. Nowhere is this public interest obligation more apparent than in the duty of broadcasters to serve the civic needs of a democracy by promoting an open and accurate discussion of political ideas and events.

Disney and ABC claim this program to be based on the 9/11 Commission Report and are using that assertion as part of the promotional campaign for it. The 9/11 Commission is the most respected American authority on the 9/11 attacks, and association with it carries a special responsibility. Indeed, the very events themselves on 9/11, so tragic as they were, demand extreme care by any who attempt to use those events as part of an entertainment or educational program. To quote Steve McPhereson, president of ABC Entertainment, "When you take on the responsibility of telling the story behind such an important event, it is absolutely critical that you get it right."

Unfortunately, it appears Disney and ABC got it totally wrong.

Despite claims by your network¹s representatives that The Path to 9/11 is based on the report of the 9/11 Commission, 9/11 Commissioners themselves, as well as other experts on the issues, disagree.

* Richard Ben-Veniste, speaking for himself and fellow 9/11 Commissioners who recently viewed the program, said, "As we were watching, we were trying to think how they could have misinterpreted the 9/11 Commission's findings the way that they had." ["9/11 Miniseries Is Criticized as Inaccurate and Biased," New York Times, September 6, 2006]

* Richard Clarke, the former counter-terrorism czar, and a national security advisor to ABC has described the program as "deeply flawed" and said of the program's depiction of a Clinton official hanging up on an intelligence agent, "It's 180 degrees from what happened." ["9/11 Miniseries Is Criticized as Inaccurate and Biased," New York Times, September 6, 2006]

* Reports suggest that an FBI agent who worked on 9/11 and served as a consultant to ABC on this program quit halfway through because, "he thought they were making things up." [MSNBC, September 7, 2006]

* Even Thomas Kean, who serves as a paid consultant to the miniseries, has admitted that scenes in the film are fictionalized. ["9/11 Miniseries Is Criticized as Inaccurate and Biased," New York Times, September 6, 2006]

That Disney would seek to broadcast an admittedly and proven false recounting of the events of 9/11 raises serious questions about the motivations of its creators and those who approved the deeply flawed program. Finally, that Disney plans to air commercial-free a program that reportedly cost it $40 million to produce serves to add fuel to these concerns.

These concerns are made all the more pressing by the political leaning of and the public statements made by the writer/producer of this miniseries, Mr. Cyrus Nowrasteh, in promoting this miniseries across conservative blogs and talk shows.

Frankly, that ABC and Disney would consider airing a program that could be construed as right-wing political propaganda on such a grave and important event involving the security of our nation is a discredit both to the Disney brand and to the legacy of honesty built at ABC by honorable individuals from David Brinkley to Peter Jennings.

Furthermore, that Disney would seek to use Scholastic to promote this misguided programming to American children as a substitute for factual information is a disgrace.

As 9/11 Commission member Jamie Gorelick said, "It is critically important to the safety of our nation that our citizens, and particularly our school children, understand what actually happened and why ­ so that we can proceed from a common understanding of what went wrong and act with unity to make our country safer."

Should Disney allow this programming to proceed as planned, the factual record, millions of viewers, countless schoolchildren, and the reputation of Disney as a corporation worthy of the trust of the American people and the United States Congress will be deeply damaged. We urge you, after full consideration of the facts, to uphold your responsibilities as a respected member of American society and as a beneficiary of the free use of the public airwaves to cancel this factually inaccurate and deeply misguided program. We look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Sincerely,

Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid
Assistant Democratic Leader Dick Durbin
Senator Debbie Stabenow
Senator Charles Schumer
Senator Byron Dorgan

found here. Reid and Durban added their own comments which I removed. I wanted you to read what these five senators had to say without spin. Should you want to read what Reid and Durban had to say, click the link. Here is a link to The Talkmaster's comments as well.

I won't comment on the above, except to say: can we say censorship and re-writing of history?

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run---anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? "
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Received in email

Tax Code Encourages Firms To Leave U.S.

How?

Companies set up partnerships to escape the double taxation of corporations -- corporate earnings are taxed once at 35 percent, but if the company pays dividends to shareholders those earnings are taxed again at individual tax rates as high as 38.6 percent.

Former Joint Economic Committee senior economist Chris Edwards states that "The way companies structure themselves around the world with various tiers of subsidiaries of subsidiaries of subsidiaries and partnerships...is because the tax code drives them to do that to minimize taxation."

Moreover, as European countries slash their corporate tax rate, the pressure to engage in this practice will increase.

Another serious problem with the U.S. tax code is that it taxes profits earned abroad. Most countries only tax profits earned within their borders.

A U.S. company doing business in Ireland would have to pay 35 percent of its profits to the U.S. government on top of the Irish taxes.

But a Dutch company only would have to pay the Irish corporate tax rate of 10 percent, because the Netherlands doesn't tax foreign-source income.

To avoid these taxes, many U.S. companies are reincorporating abroad in offshore low-tax jurisdictions -- a process called inversion. In response, Congress is making legislation to prevent inversions, calling them unpatriotic. However, Daniel Mitchell of the Heritage Foundation notes that these companies still pay U.S. corporate taxes, just only on income earned inside the United States. Moreover, he argues that unless the U.S. moves toward a territorial tax system, inversions are the only way for U.S. companies to remain competitive internationally.

Source: John Berlau, "Tax-Code Trauma," Insight Magazine, July 22, 2002.

For more on Taxes:

http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_Category=20

(received in email)

International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

c. After wrecking your boss' car.

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

e. When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never, ever ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

Sent in by Chris D. in Houston

found here

Redneck Medical Terms

Benign............What you be after you be eight
Bacteria..........Back door to cafeteria
Barium............What doctors do when patients die. Catscan...........Searching for Kitty
Cauterize.........Made eye contact with her Colic...............A sheep dog
Coma..............A punctuation mark D&C...............Where Washington is Dilate.............To live long
Enema.............Not a friend
Fester.............Quicker than someone else. Fibula..............A small lie
G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball Hangnail..........What you hang your coat on Impotent..........Distinguished, well known Labor Pain................Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff......A Doctor's cane
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates Node................I knew it
Outpatient.........A person who has fainted
Pap Smear..........A fatherhood test
Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative......A letter carrier
Recovery Room.....Place to do upholstery
Rectum..............Damn near killed him. Secretion............Hiding something
Seizure...............Roman emperor.
Tablet................A small table.
Terminal Illness.....Getting sick at the airport. Tumor................More than one.
Urine.................Opposite of mine.
Varicose..............Near by/close by.

from here

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

New Nigerian Scam

Just thought I would let my loyal readers know of a twist on the Nigerian scams. You know, those emails that come from officials of the Nigerian government, a Nigerian corporation (often oil), or relative of such. Sometimes, someone has died and the "official" is looking for a next of kin, and unable to find one, has selected you to receive the funds. There are other variations, but I want to make you aware of this one.

It might not be new to anyone but me, but I haven't seen this one before. I received an email from ussenatewashingtonofficial17@yahoo.com entitled IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF YOUR FUNDS. It has a photo of the US Capitol building, links to both the Senate and House of Representatives, and two seals of the US Senate.

This is the email:

FROM: -

THE CHAIRMEN AND RANKING MEMBERS OF THE SENATE COMMITTEE ON FOREIGN RELATIONS, THE SENATE COMMITTEE ON APPROPRIATIONS, THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON APPROPRIATIONS, AND THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS.
Approved and Witnessed by -

Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wisconsin
Rep. James Sensenbrenner, R-Wisconsin
White House and House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Illinois,
Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wisconsin, Senate filibuster.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn.

Subject Matter - Request for Patriots Act on international fund transfer in your favor
After very long meetings held by the above mentioned officials and the Minister of state for finance including the Board of Directors of the World Bank, the United Nations and the International Monetary Fund, to see to the release of long term debt owed to many foreigners around the globe who have been denied of their funds,The United States Senate has been authorized to handle the urgent release of all funds owed by any of the financial institutions or Government that is a member of the United Nations, this is based on the loans and disbursement agreement signed between the US Government and Governments of these debtor nations, the release of your fund will be supervised by the World Bank representatives in London to ensure immediate payment in your favor and avoid delay.

From the records of outstanding claims due for payment submitted by the United Nations, your name is next on the list of the outstanding bills to be settled, I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter.

Kindly re-confirm the following information to MR DONALD COX the US SENATE REPRESENTATIVE AND HEAD OF THE PAYMENT CENTER IN LONDON ENGLAND for final verification of your details so that the funds will be transferred in your favour, please contact MR DONALD COX on telephone 44 795 1322664 or via email, USSENATEOFFICIALLONDON10@YAHOO.CO.UK

1) Your full name, 2) Phone number ( mobile should be included) .3) The claim amount 4) Your complete Banking details to avoid mistakes As soon as the above information is received, your payment will be made to you without further delay.

Note that the senate officials in UK have been authorised to handle this payment to keep a clean slate of foriegn debt settlement because some Government officials and individuals have tried to transfer this fund to you but failed due to dishonesty and unneccesary demand for fees,You are hereby advised to stop any further communications with any one else or any other financial institution and comply to this to avoid any further delay.

Please note that the United Nations and Government of the debtor country will not be interested in any complaint from you if you fail to receive your fund via this programme or fail to abide by this instruction.
Your urgent attention is expected

Thank you

It is "signed" by "Dick Lugar" who I assume is Senator Lugar of Indiana.

I started a "you've got to be kidding" reply, but decided that I would forward it to Senators Lugar and Feingold. I tried to find email for other's who were named in the email, but could only find webforms. I will be going back and advise that their names are being used in a scam later, however.

It's hard to believe just has bold these scammers are, but there you go.

FLY THE FLAG CAMPAIGN

I received this in email and think it's worthy of joining in.

On Monday, September 11th, 2006, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this fifth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this in honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.

In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.

Action Plan: So, here's what we need you to do...

(1) Let as many people as you can know about this campaign. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you.

(2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day. Thank you for your participation.

God Bless You and God Bless America!!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED

the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when werode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because.

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K.We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride downthe hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

from email, of course!

"I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything: "I will try" has accomplished wonders.

-- -- George P. Burnham

THE LATEST ON WHO PAYS WHAT

From Boortz

Well, it's time to put a stop to the whining about income inequality and those big huge tax breaks the evil rich have received from George Bush. The Treasury Department is about to release the numbers for 2004, and as usual the highest achievers are taking it on the chin.

The Democrats, with no small amount of help from Republicans, are making headway on their goal of shifting the entire federal tax burden in this country onto a minority of income earners. In 2004 the bottom one-half of income earners paid only 3.3% of all federal income taxes. That's down from the Clinton years. In fact, that's the lowest share paid by the bottom half ever.

According to The Wall Street Journal, the majority of American families with incomes less than $40,000 pay no income taxes at all! When you factor in the welfare program known as the Earned Income Tax Credit, many of these families are coming close to getting a completely free ride!

OK ... but what about the evil rich?

In 2004 the top 1% of all income earners earned about 19% of all income. So ... the rich really are benefiting from Bush's tax policies, aren't they? Just 1% earning 19% of all income? Sorry to burst your bubble, but that figure was higher in the Clinton years. During the time Clinton was in office this figure went from 13.8% to nearly 21%. Funny how you didn't read a lot of newspaper stories during the Clinton years about growing income inequality, isn't it? Now, under bush, the share of total income earned by the wicked rich has fallen!

But what about the income taxes! Surely George Bush has all but wiped out income taxes for the nasty rich, hasn't he?

Nope.

In 2004 the top 1% of income earners -- that crowd that earned 19% of all income -- paid 36.9% of all income taxes. The top 5% of income earners paid a whopping 57.1% of all income taxes. That's an increase under Bush. So much for "tax cuts for the rich."

OK .. well how about the super-rich? What about the top one-tenth of one percent of income earners? Lordy, I don't even know how much you have to earn to be in this crowd. From 2002 to 2004, with the hated Bush tax cuts firmly in place, the top 0.1% of income earners saw their share of total income taxes paid go from 15.4% to 17.4%. That's up a full 2% for those of you who went to government schools.

OK ... that's income taxes. But what about capital gains taxes and taxes on dividends? Bush cut those taxes too, didn't he? That's where the rich are making out like bandits, right? Well ... glad you asked. Since Bush's tax cuts the Imperial Federal Government has seen an increase of 79% in capital gains taxes, and 35% for taxes on dividends.

Just remember these figures the next time you see some Democrat whining about income inequality and the need to redistribute income. It looks like we're doing quite a bit of redistribution as it is.

Saint Rita de Cassia

The Saint of the Impossible

Received in email. You are suppossed to make two wishes and forward to six people. Your wishes will be granted in 36 days. I guess if you believe in wishes you could make two wishes and send a link to six people.

I don't believe in making wishes to saints, but I do believe in presenting opportunities to those who do.

A Smart Blonde!

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

shamlessly stolen from GOC

It's An Animal's Life

THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME IN HERE!

from email

Nothing Better Than Friendship

from email

Retirees: The Whole Truth, Nothing But...

Question: How many days are in a week?

Answer: 7 - 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer: Three hours after they fall asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10 per cent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

As of today, I will have twelve months to decide whether or not to retire on the earliest day I am eligible for retirement. Look forward to more of these posts.

25 Reasons a Beer is Better than a Women

Just to show that humor is an equal opportunity provider:

1. You can enjoy a beer all month long

2. Beer stains wash out

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer

4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play baseball
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out
6. Hangovers go away
7. A beer label comes off without a fight
8. Beer is never late
9. Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer
11. A beer never gets a headache
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head
15. A beer always goes down easy
16. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty
17. You can share a beer with your friends
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer
19. Beer is always wet
20. Beer doesn't demand equality
21. You can have a beer in public
22. A beer doesn't care when you come
23. A frigid beer is a good beer
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good
25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

A hangover is the wrath of grapes

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

- Anne Tyler

It contains more than 55,000 pages …

It is so complex that even those who wrote it don’t fully understand it.

The “it” is the federal tax code, and more and more Americans are demanding that the time has come to abolish the IRS in favor of a “Fair Tax” system.

Simply stated the Fair Tax is a 23 percent consumption tax on new purchases. Unlike the current system that siphons off $23 from every $100 earned, the Fair Tax moves the tax burden from the workforce to the consumer—giving them control over how much they are taxed.

The Fair Tax system would eliminate the IRS and replace every current federal tax—personal income tax, business income tax, the death tax, the investment tax and Social Security/FICA taxes included with a simple, Fair Tax. In other words, you would keep 100 percent of your paycheck and then pay ONE tax, the Fair Tax. Your income, savings and investments would never be taxed. And Congress would never again be able to hide tax increases in a convoluted system and manipulate the tax code for political gain.

And the best part? The Fair Tax would completely fund the federal government, Social Security and Medicare!

http://www.grassfire.org/84/petition.asp?PID=11553720&NID=1

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night? " Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?

Remember, we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak. And If you slip and say something you wish you could take back, just grin and bear it, the embarrassment will pass as soon as the next person says something they wish they could take back.

Another gem from email

These People Vote

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".

. . . . She ALSO votes!

Gambling Blonde

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived....and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know...I thought you were watching."

Moral ---

Not all Southerners are stupid.

Not all blondes are dumb.

But, all men.....are well....men.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

- James Thurber

WHAT'S ALL OF THE FUSS?

The following has been attributed in email to Pam Foster. The truth is that it was written by Doug Patton, a freelance columnist and political speechwriter. It was published on the gopusa.com website in 2005. Ms. Foster forwarded it to her nephew serving in Iraq. Somehow, it became attributed to Ms. Foster.

Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001?

Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia.

I'll care when Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave Marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that Idon't care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," You can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran."

Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and ---- you got it, I DON'T CARE!

The above represents my feelings to a great extent. I do care when the one right we all should be entitled to is taken lightly: the right to life. Some Islamic extremists have decided that because you and I don't worship the same way they do, we should die. I once thought I was as extreme in my faith as most others are, but maybe I'm not. I would never consider killing someone because they worship differently than I do.

I also believe in the right to dignity. What happened in Abu Gharib was wrong. Once upon a time, I would have thought it impossible that an American soldier would do such a thing. Then I remembered that American soldiers are human and subject to the same foibles that we all are subject to. Putting on a uniform that says "Army", "Marines", "Navy", Air Force", or "Coast Guard" does not automatically give these young men and women morality or common sense. What they did was wrong and they should be punished for it.

There's more, but that's enough for now.

Theory of Evil

Does evil exist? Did God create evil?

The University professor challenged his students with this question."Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil." The student became quiet before such an answer.

The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the religious faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460? F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

I have no idea whether Einstein said this or not. I really don't care because whether it was Einstein, someone else, or created completely out of whole cloth, it tells a great story.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

- Robert Benchley