Saturday, July 22, 2006

It's an Animal's Life


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Got more in email. And you thought this series was over!


President Bush and Osama Bin Laden decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. Each would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world, and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world, and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, Osama came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5" thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, President Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9-foot-long Dachshund! Everyone felt sorry for President Bush, because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled, leaped out of its cage, and charged the American Dachshund - but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite! There was nothing left of his dog at all!

Osama came up to President Bush, shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," said President Bush. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog!"


Nothing Better Than Friendship

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from email

Friday, July 21, 2006

She had a sweet disposition

until the bitter end.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Wednesday Words of Wisdom

The gene pool could use a little chlorine

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Three Good Arguments

That Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.

3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
God is like ...

ALLSTATE .... You're in good hands with Him.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?